So, I've found myself once again looking for somewhere to go.
Money is tight, jobs are non-existent, fulfillment is like some sort of intangible phantom that I saw out of the corner of my eye once then realized I was dreaming and woke up to a reality as flimsy as the walls of my unconscious idealisms. And I still sucked at making sense.
I'm spending a little time at home to recharge and get my head in the game, which basically equals out to "making enough money to keep eating until you're given the magic shovel that will grant you entrance into your own personal grave of college debt". And that grave, I suspect, must have embellished walls with beautiful views to keep you comfortably fooled for just long enough, because everyone living university life is much more carefree than that sort of consequence might allow for. I'm thinking more and more though, that I may soon justify all my teachers who rolled their eyes at me for devising this whole residency plan to go to U of O. "it's dangerous, you may not want to go back to school." and admittedly I've been bitten by the "youthful unrealistic young person" bug. I'm not so sure tying myself down with over a hundred thousand dollars in debt to avoid the social stigma of skipping college is really my thing. I'm as cynical and arrogant as the day is long I know.
I want you to consider for a moment, how much of your life is lived according to social stigmas and norms. If you are in college, the most likely reason you are there is to increase the chances you'll end up with heaps of recreational moolah later in life. To insure that you end up with a nice home, a drivable car, a well-bred labradoodle, and the satisfaction of perseverance. And the reason for that is assuredly because the world you grew up in has equated that lifestyle with success. And the most direct route to validating your success, be it intellectual or otherwise, is to have a fancy degree that shows you're good enough.
Success is happiness.
Success is balance of all parts of yourself, painted out onto the giant mural-to-be that is your waking life.
Maybe I don't need to go to college. I've got love and libraries and youth on my side and lives to change and a novel to write. I'll think much too much about it and get back to you on my decision.